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About Me I'm a 18 year old photography student with too much fantasy to fit into her head. I read too many books and write too much lists. |
♡ four. I felt the sun go down, a mixture of yellow and orange light touched my skin and slowly slid away to my window. The heavenly sky showed me orion as I curled up in my bed. I turned on the light on my nightstand and got my notebook from under my pillow. Once I found my pen my brain woke up from its sleep. The soft and heart broken words of my favorite artist whispered in my ear, I never understood how he could describe how I felt in those beautiful songs. How can a perspective you have, of life for example, change in a matter of seconds? How can my brain function when everything just dramatically changes and my heart once again begins to pound in my chest? How did I survive becoming alive again? You looked at me, as I gazed at you. You smiled, and I politely smiled back. How did we end up here? Everything in me felt light and my head was spinning. I tried to hide it, but you knew. I looked at you from the corner of my eye, you bit your lip and tried to concentrate on the movie. But we both knew. I never imagined having those thoughts again, I never hoped I would. Not about you at least. I hoped and prayed to a god I didn't believe in that I wasn't going to make a mistake as I leaned forward and our lips touched. Written With Love; 19:18 Tuesday 10 August 2010
♡ three. I don't have enough life experience to make assumptions about love, about what it means and what it does to us. I'm nearly 18 years old and I've been in love for more than 3 and a half years, does that mean I may have a little more experience than the a normal teenager? Although I may not know everything about love: It's wonderful, when I first saw him my head was spinning and my heart was pounding in my chest. I felt like I was born again, new, shining and loved. But everything changed, the lies came, the excuses came and every time I looked at him I felt so much hate. Love is complicated and it sucks. And there is nothing in the world to make it unsuck the air out of your lungs. There is nothing in this fucked up world that makes me think there is any reason to fall in love again. Thinking about it makes me dizzy. I still find myself listening to our songs, memorizing the moments shared listening to it. You're still my wonderwall. I keep thinking about you, keep falling back in the pattern of letting you know that I miss you and that I want to spend the night with you by my side, I keep screwing up the only chance of letting you go. People say that I do it because I'm still in love with you, and I know that's true. You where my first love, the reason I'm still on this earth, without you I would've given up a long, long time ago. How can I let my savior go? My heart was broken and no matter how much I rubbed it, the aching feeling didn't go away. It felt like my heart was ripped from my chest and everyday people kept salting my wounds. My problem is this house, everything in this house reminds me of you. You held me in my bed, woke me up from the nightmares. We cuddled on the couch, held hands everywhere. We kissed in the grass and drank tea with honey. Your smell is on my bed and on my clothes. Everywhere I look I can see a place where we shared a special moment and made a memory. I want to leave, leave this country and try to find a spot on this earth where I can forget everything that has to do with love. Written With Love; 14:44 Saturday 10 April 2010
♡ two. I'm a second hand puzzle, bought on a flee market in july 1992. Some of my pieces are lost, some are discolored. You're one piece of me, the puzzle. Maybe not the heart shaped piece witch completes my empty chest, but without you, I'm incomplete. You changed me in so many ways, and not talking to you makes me dizzy. Three and a half years thrown away, like it was never there. And it breaks me, I'm losing more and more pieces of myself, of my mind. I'm going mad. I tried so hard to love you, every day I did my very best. But sometimes I just couldn't love you. I knew you tried to make me happy, or as happy as I could be. But you couldn't. I couldn't. Life isn't fair, you've been told that since you can understand that sentence. But have you ever truly thought about it? Why is life not fair to you, but to others it is? I've been thinking about that a lot lately, but I still can't find an explanation. Trough the years I started to build up some trust for Karma: If you do something good, good things will happen to yo. But if you do something bad, bad things will happen to you. Some people find it weird, unrealistic. But to me, it is a way to give my life meaning. But still, why do all those bad things happen to me? It doesn't make me stronger nor do I learn something from it. What did I do to deserve this? To have my heart held by tiny treads that keep getting cut in half? I lost, I'm lost. Written With Love; 13:35 Saturday 3 April 2010
♡ one.  Making a blog wasn't a hard decision. This is something I needed, something I wanted for a very long time. Writing always been a big part of my life, it makes me clear my head, makes my limits infinite. This blog will be inspired by dreams and thoughts. The place where I post my heart in letters for the whole world to read. My name is Jelske, and I'm 18 years old. I live in the south of Holland, and I've lived there since I was born, but I know I won't be staying here. I'm planning on traveling around the world when I turn 22, buying a cheap motorcycle and see every place I heard stories about, taking picture of every single inch of the world, meeting new people, making new memories. I wasn't born to live at the same place for the rest of my life. Since September 2009 I started studying photography, that gives me the chance to live up my dream and do what I like the most everyday. I've always loved photography, I had my own camera when I was a little girl, spending all my money on film rolls. When I look at the pictures I made back than, I can't help but smile. I'm addicted when it comes to reading, I have that from my mom. Since a few years I started writing myself as well, getting rid of the eternal thoughts in my head. I'm someone with too much fantasy and thoughts to fit in her head, so I have a massive headache, all the time. Besides writing, reading and photography I also enjoy watching the stars, drawing, singing, hanging out with friend, watching movies and spend my weekends with my best friend. I've been a vegetarian since I was seven years old, and don't do drugs nor drink alcohol. I hate more than I love and there is no place in the world for me to call home, and doubt there ever will be. I've never been happy and I do not understand the word happiness. Although I just wrote a whole bunch of words to describe myself, I still feel indescribable. Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. Written With Love; 12:16 Friday 22 January 2010 |